Day 3.. yesterday.. was by far, THE HARDEST DIET DAY EVAR.
I woke up starving. Shaking. I honestly had to remind myself that I wasn't really starving.. I've seen Survivor enough times to know what voluntary starving looks like. But I still felt extremely sorry for myself, cranky, crabby, and fussier than my 3 month old baby. I almost broke down several times and made myself a packet of oatmeal I have in my drawer at work. But you see, I'm too "smart" for my own good. I declared my diet to the entire office in order to have people "watching" me- you know how it happens: someone at work says they're on a diet and EVERYBODY notices when they walk by and nervously take a snickers from the candy bowl. I vowed to never be that person. So oatmeal.. it was not an option.
Yes, I realize how pathetic this sounds. I wanted oatmeal. OATMEAL! Not a cookie, a brownie, or a fun size snickers bar (which, by the way, stares at me all day at work). After my 4 egg white scramble and grapes, I spend an agonizing three hours working through the pain. Then I had some *gag* yogurt. After that, we went to lunch where I had salmon and roasted green beans and carrots. I was still starving. Still?! you say? I don't even know how it's possible. So I ate some carrots. Then some berries. And that is when I ran out of food at work. D: Until I remembered I brought my lunch! Which was chicken and steamed veggies. So I heated it before I left and ate it on the drive home.
Which was completely fortuitous. I got home and Gavin was not doing well.. fussier than me, not happy doing anything (truly, nothing made him happy). So I sat on the couch with him and fed him while I held his feet and made circles, which worked until it suddenly didn't, and our only other thought was he must be in some kind of pain we couldn't detect. So we gave him some Tylenol and he passed out in my arms for the next hour. And before I knew it, it was already 9:00, he was fast asleep in his crib, and I still hadn't eaten anything since coming home. And suddenly, I was starving again. Too late to cook protein, no veggies that would taste good uncooked, and a growling stomach: HALP.
And that is when it happened. I broke down. I ate.. a banana. And it never tasted so good! I was full from one banana! Huzzah! If that satisfaction of finally not being hungry wasn't so heavenly, I might have felt guilty for my carb consumption. Not only did I eat the forbidden fruit, I ate it after 2pm! Right before bed, when my body supposedly wouldn't know what to do with it other than to add 10lbs to my hips. I had the fleeting thought of the phrase "fuck the police" and fell fast asleep.
Fuck the police. And Day 3. Let's hope today is a little better.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Day 2
I woke up completely exhausted on day 2. Gavin barely slept. He woke up TWICE last night- really strange for him because he usually only wakes up once, if he does. We thought he was trending toward more nights of sleeping through the night, but it looks like he is regressing. Meh.
So yeah, I woke up tired. Not all because of Gavin, I think it was because I was extremely HUNGRY. Hunger translates to sleepiness for me (among other undesirable personality traits). At this point I am cursing all the Amazon reviewers who insist they have more energy after going days without carbs. Who are you? Do you truly not feel hungry and have tons of energy after eating bland poultry and fish, and veggies all day? And here is where I become a little vulgar: do you not feel hungry and exhausted after pooping your guts out thanks to all the greens and priobiotics and water with lemon and green tea??? Truly people, who are you, and how do I become you? Yes, it is only day 2. I have 15 more days- not that I'm counting or anything. Maybe I will feel like you in a week. But for now, I am miserable.
So, I decided to look through all those Amazon reviews again, trying to find people like me. And then I met "N":
So I've been on the diet for 12 days now and have lost 3 pounds. My husband is on it as well. We're starving all the time but trying to stay strong. My husband has lost 6 pounds. I think it's a good outline, but am glad I'm well-versed in nutrition and health.
Oh N! You made my day! Thank you! I hope I lose more than 3lbs in 12 days though.. but I will try to "stay strong" just like you :)
Side note: I'm already bored of greek yogurt. Help.
Here is what Day 2 looked like:
Breaky: 2 scrambled eggs with red onion and spinach
Snack: coffee and greek yogurt with splenda
Lunch: chicken breast with steamed veggies, small amount of a berry medly on the side
Snack: more berries
Dinner: baked chicken breast with more steamed veggies
Bedtime Snack: half a thing of greek yogurt. Gag.
So yeah, I woke up tired. Not all because of Gavin, I think it was because I was extremely HUNGRY. Hunger translates to sleepiness for me (among other undesirable personality traits). At this point I am cursing all the Amazon reviewers who insist they have more energy after going days without carbs. Who are you? Do you truly not feel hungry and have tons of energy after eating bland poultry and fish, and veggies all day? And here is where I become a little vulgar: do you not feel hungry and exhausted after pooping your guts out thanks to all the greens and priobiotics and water with lemon and green tea??? Truly people, who are you, and how do I become you? Yes, it is only day 2. I have 15 more days- not that I'm counting or anything. Maybe I will feel like you in a week. But for now, I am miserable.
So, I decided to look through all those Amazon reviews again, trying to find people like me. And then I met "N":
So I've been on the diet for 12 days now and have lost 3 pounds. My husband is on it as well. We're starving all the time but trying to stay strong. My husband has lost 6 pounds. I think it's a good outline, but am glad I'm well-versed in nutrition and health.
Oh N! You made my day! Thank you! I hope I lose more than 3lbs in 12 days though.. but I will try to "stay strong" just like you :)
Side note: I'm already bored of greek yogurt. Help.
Here is what Day 2 looked like:
Breaky: 2 scrambled eggs with red onion and spinach
Snack: coffee and greek yogurt with splenda
Lunch: chicken breast with steamed veggies, small amount of a berry medly on the side
Snack: more berries
Dinner: baked chicken breast with more steamed veggies
Bedtime Snack: half a thing of greek yogurt. Gag.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Day 1
Okay. So I binged on Haagen Dazs Rocky Road Ice Cream last night. I needed a last hurrah.. a final dance with sugar. We waltzed until almost the whole pint was gone. It was like saying goodbye to my best friend, my pregnancy, the friendly chubby girl inside me. 9+ months of my life, I didn't have to really worry about weight. Well, more like, for 9+ months of my life, I wasn't allowed to diet. It was a glorious 9 months. I will miss them. Thank you Haagen Dazs, for being there for me on my final night.
That said, my first day on this diet was not so rough- I'm probably still full from the ice cream last night. I now live in fear for what tomorrow brings when my sugar-fat binge wears off. Meh.
Here is what I ate:
Breaky:
2 hard boiled eggs
Grapes
Green Tea
Snack:
0% Plain Greek Yogurt
Lunch:
Pluto's salad with tons of greens and turkey breast
Small serving of balsamic vinegarette
Snack:
Gala apple
Dinner:
Huge lean turkey burger
(no time to cook veggies)
But before bed I was hungry, so I had my second plain yogurt serving- this time with splenda. Not bad!
OH- I also enjoyed a black Peet's coffee at some point in the day. It made me feel like I was eating, so I didn't feel like I was missing anything.
I also noticed that I kept reaching for junky carbs only to realize they were not allowed. It was very sad to be mid reach for a skittle, cracker, etc, and suddenly remember those things were off limits. But also interesting to note, those were just automatic movements, and not because I was hungry. Now I'm wondering how many times I day I did that without realizing it...
That said, my first day on this diet was not so rough- I'm probably still full from the ice cream last night. I now live in fear for what tomorrow brings when my sugar-fat binge wears off. Meh.
Here is what I ate:
Breaky:
2 hard boiled eggs
Grapes
Green Tea
Snack:
0% Plain Greek Yogurt
Lunch:
Pluto's salad with tons of greens and turkey breast
Small serving of balsamic vinegarette
Snack:
Gala apple
Dinner:
Huge lean turkey burger
(no time to cook veggies)
But before bed I was hungry, so I had my second plain yogurt serving- this time with splenda. Not bad!
OH- I also enjoyed a black Peet's coffee at some point in the day. It made me feel like I was eating, so I didn't feel like I was missing anything.
I also noticed that I kept reaching for junky carbs only to realize they were not allowed. It was very sad to be mid reach for a skittle, cracker, etc, and suddenly remember those things were off limits. But also interesting to note, those were just automatic movements, and not because I was hungry. Now I'm wondering how many times I day I did that without realizing it...
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Fat Momma
Short Story:
I had a baby 3.5 months ago. I'm still fat.
Long Story:
In the beginning of my pregnancy, I had morning sickness. I'm not the type to throw up, so mostly I just rolled around in bed miserable, hoping the gross feeling would go away. I quickly learned that continuous eating made me feel better. And this was the beginning of the end of me.
I started out at 155, not thin for my height of 5'9", but not fat. I think I came in at the midpoint for all the BMI and related calculations. My thighs have always been pretty big, and my butt.. well, it was and always will be.. quite luxurious. I was fortunate to not carry weight in my stomach, unfortunate to have small boobies, and even more unfortunate to carry a lot of weight in my ankles. I mean cankles. But! I looked pretty dern good (I can say that now that I have the glorious thing called: perspective). Sadly, I was very much a girl and never acknowledged how fit I truly was.
At my last appointment before my water broke, I weighed in at 208lbs. Looking at the number now, it is shocking. But going to the doctor every few weeks in the beginning and finding I gained at least a lb, sometimes more, a week.. well, let's just say I trained myself to get used to it. It was too painful to see the number go up, and going into mourning after each appointment was not productive- there was nothing I could do, and cutting back on food was not an option. So I vowed to only eat healthy. This was easy, as one of my biggest cravings was for cold strawberries and watermelon- those two quickly became my dessert. Yet when I weighed in at the doc, I still gained about 2lbs a week toward the end of my pregnancy. I couldn't win, and I was tired of trying.
So, on May 6, 2012, when my water broke, let's just say I was 208lbs. 27 hours later, I lost at least 8 of those pounds when precious baby boy Gavin arrived. Two weeks later, I weighed in at 192. My mom always said: double the weight of the baby and that's what will fall off right away. She was right! But there I stayed, at lonely 192 for a month*. When I got the all clear to exercise at 6 weeks, I wore myself out going to the gym in the morning and caring for a baby around the clock. But I lost another 6lbs over the next month. I was too exhausted to keep up the gym routine, so I had to stop. And again, I was stuck at a weight that was too high for me to be happy with, despite truly eating healthy, as healthy as I used to eat when I was at my lowest weight ever.
Now I am 16 weeks post partum, and I weigh 185. That's 30lbs heavier than I was a year ago, and I have the stretchmarks to prove it. I decided something needs to be done. I'm back at work and only see Gavin 2 hours before he goes to bed, at which point I am also exhausted. Gym/working out (anything other than walking during my lunch break) is not a viable option at this point, and will not be until Gavin is consistently sleeping through the night. So I'm starting with my diet and going on a what I call a detox, and what Dr Mike Moreno calls "The 17 Day Diet". You can read about it here. Basically, I am allowed to eat lean meat, veggies, two servings a fruit a day, and two servings of yogurt. I am excited, nervous, embarrassed... etc. I need to write about it to keep myself interested. I'm hoping my journey helps someone else along the way.. not all of us have gained 50lbs+ during pregnancy, but those of us who have.. we are united!
*for those of you wondering: for various medical reasons (both me and baby) I was unable to breastfeed and "stopped" at 3 weeks. I'm not sure how much of this affected my weight loss, but I still don't believe the myth that nursing sheds pounds. For anyone that has been in the same boat as me.. desperately wanting to breastfeed but it not working out, I feel your pain. For the granolas out there who will insist I could have made it work, congratulations, you must know everything. I envy you for being able to nurse your baby but I will not sit back and be bullied. Mmmkay thanks bye!
I had a baby 3.5 months ago. I'm still fat.
Long Story:
In the beginning of my pregnancy, I had morning sickness. I'm not the type to throw up, so mostly I just rolled around in bed miserable, hoping the gross feeling would go away. I quickly learned that continuous eating made me feel better. And this was the beginning of the end of me.
I started out at 155, not thin for my height of 5'9", but not fat. I think I came in at the midpoint for all the BMI and related calculations. My thighs have always been pretty big, and my butt.. well, it was and always will be.. quite luxurious. I was fortunate to not carry weight in my stomach, unfortunate to have small boobies, and even more unfortunate to carry a lot of weight in my ankles. I mean cankles. But! I looked pretty dern good (I can say that now that I have the glorious thing called: perspective). Sadly, I was very much a girl and never acknowledged how fit I truly was.
At my last appointment before my water broke, I weighed in at 208lbs. Looking at the number now, it is shocking. But going to the doctor every few weeks in the beginning and finding I gained at least a lb, sometimes more, a week.. well, let's just say I trained myself to get used to it. It was too painful to see the number go up, and going into mourning after each appointment was not productive- there was nothing I could do, and cutting back on food was not an option. So I vowed to only eat healthy. This was easy, as one of my biggest cravings was for cold strawberries and watermelon- those two quickly became my dessert. Yet when I weighed in at the doc, I still gained about 2lbs a week toward the end of my pregnancy. I couldn't win, and I was tired of trying.
So, on May 6, 2012, when my water broke, let's just say I was 208lbs. 27 hours later, I lost at least 8 of those pounds when precious baby boy Gavin arrived. Two weeks later, I weighed in at 192. My mom always said: double the weight of the baby and that's what will fall off right away. She was right! But there I stayed, at lonely 192 for a month*. When I got the all clear to exercise at 6 weeks, I wore myself out going to the gym in the morning and caring for a baby around the clock. But I lost another 6lbs over the next month. I was too exhausted to keep up the gym routine, so I had to stop. And again, I was stuck at a weight that was too high for me to be happy with, despite truly eating healthy, as healthy as I used to eat when I was at my lowest weight ever.
Now I am 16 weeks post partum, and I weigh 185. That's 30lbs heavier than I was a year ago, and I have the stretchmarks to prove it. I decided something needs to be done. I'm back at work and only see Gavin 2 hours before he goes to bed, at which point I am also exhausted. Gym/working out (anything other than walking during my lunch break) is not a viable option at this point, and will not be until Gavin is consistently sleeping through the night. So I'm starting with my diet and going on a what I call a detox, and what Dr Mike Moreno calls "The 17 Day Diet". You can read about it here. Basically, I am allowed to eat lean meat, veggies, two servings a fruit a day, and two servings of yogurt. I am excited, nervous, embarrassed... etc. I need to write about it to keep myself interested. I'm hoping my journey helps someone else along the way.. not all of us have gained 50lbs+ during pregnancy, but those of us who have.. we are united!
*for those of you wondering: for various medical reasons (both me and baby) I was unable to breastfeed and "stopped" at 3 weeks. I'm not sure how much of this affected my weight loss, but I still don't believe the myth that nursing sheds pounds. For anyone that has been in the same boat as me.. desperately wanting to breastfeed but it not working out, I feel your pain. For the granolas out there who will insist I could have made it work, congratulations, you must know everything. I envy you for being able to nurse your baby but I will not sit back and be bullied. Mmmkay thanks bye!
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