Day 3

Day 3.. yesterday.. was by far, THE HARDEST DIET DAY EVAR.

I woke up starving. Shaking. I honestly had to remind myself that I wasn't really starving.. I've seen Survivor enough times to know what voluntary starving looks like. But I still felt extremely sorry for myself, cranky, crabby, and fussier than my 3 month old baby. I almost broke down several times and made myself a packet of oatmeal I have in my drawer at work. But you see, I'm too "smart" for my own good. I declared my diet to the entire office in order to have people "watching" me- you know how it happens: someone at work says they're on a diet and EVERYBODY notices when they walk by and nervously take a snickers from the candy bowl. I vowed to never be that person. So oatmeal.. it was not an option.

Yes, I realize how pathetic this sounds. I wanted oatmeal. OATMEAL! Not a cookie, a brownie, or a fun size snickers bar (which, by the way, stares at me all day at work). After my 4 egg white scramble and grapes, I spend an agonizing three hours working through the pain. Then I had some *gag* yogurt. After that, we went to lunch where I had salmon and roasted green beans and carrots. I was still starving. Still?! you say? I don't even know how it's possible. So I ate some carrots. Then some berries. And that is when I ran out of food at work. D: Until I remembered I brought my lunch! Which was chicken and steamed veggies. So I heated it before I left and ate it on the drive home.

Which was completely fortuitous. I got home and Gavin was not doing well.. fussier than me, not happy doing anything (truly, nothing made him happy). So I sat on the couch with him and fed him while I held his feet and made circles, which worked until it suddenly didn't, and our only other thought was he must be in some kind of pain we couldn't detect. So we gave him some Tylenol and he passed out in my arms for the next hour. And before I knew it, it was already 9:00, he was fast asleep in his crib, and I still hadn't eaten anything since coming home. And suddenly, I was starving again.  Too late to cook protein, no veggies that would taste good uncooked, and a growling stomach: HALP.

And that is when it happened. I broke down. I ate.. a banana. And it never tasted so good! I was full from one banana! Huzzah! If that satisfaction of finally not being hungry wasn't so heavenly, I might have felt guilty for my carb consumption. Not only did I eat the forbidden fruit, I ate it after 2pm! Right before bed, when my body supposedly wouldn't know what to do with it other than to add 10lbs to my hips. I had the fleeting thought of the phrase "fuck the police" and fell fast asleep.

Fuck the police. And Day 3. Let's hope today is a little better.