Fat Momma

Short Story:
I had a baby 3.5 months ago. I'm still fat.

Long Story:
In the beginning of my pregnancy, I had morning sickness. I'm not the type to throw up, so mostly I just rolled around in bed miserable, hoping the gross feeling would go away. I quickly learned that continuous eating made me feel better. And this was the beginning of the end of me.
I started out at 155, not thin for my height of 5'9", but not fat. I think I came in at the midpoint for all the BMI and related calculations. My thighs have always been pretty big, and my butt.. well, it was and always will be.. quite luxurious. I was fortunate to not carry weight in my stomach, unfortunate to have small boobies, and even more unfortunate to carry a lot of weight in my ankles. I mean cankles. But! I looked pretty dern good (I can say that now that I have the glorious thing called: perspective). Sadly, I was very much a girl and never acknowledged how fit I truly was.
At my last appointment before my water broke, I weighed in at 208lbs. Looking at the number now, it is shocking. But going to the doctor every few weeks in the beginning and finding I gained at least a lb, sometimes more, a week.. well, let's just say I trained myself to get used to it. It was too painful to see the number go up, and going into mourning after each appointment was not productive- there was nothing I could do, and cutting back on food was not an option. So I vowed to only eat healthy. This was easy, as one of my biggest cravings was for cold strawberries and watermelon- those two quickly became my dessert. Yet when I weighed in at the doc, I still gained about 2lbs a week toward the end of my pregnancy. I couldn't win, and I was tired of trying.
So, on May 6, 2012, when my water broke, let's just say I was 208lbs. 27 hours later, I lost at least 8 of those pounds when precious baby boy Gavin arrived. Two weeks later, I weighed in at 192. My mom always said: double the weight of the baby and that's what will fall off right away. She was right! But there I stayed, at lonely 192 for a month*. When I got the all clear to exercise at 6 weeks, I wore myself out going to the gym in the morning and caring for a baby around the clock. But I lost another 6lbs over the next month. I was too exhausted to keep up the gym routine, so I had to stop. And again, I was stuck at a weight that was too high for me to be happy with, despite truly eating healthy, as healthy as I used to eat when I was at my lowest weight ever.
Now I am 16 weeks post partum, and I weigh 185. That's 30lbs heavier than I was a year ago, and I have the stretchmarks to prove it. I decided  something needs to be done. I'm back at work and only see Gavin 2 hours before he goes to bed, at which point I am also exhausted. Gym/working out (anything other than walking during my lunch break) is not a viable option at this point, and will not be until Gavin is consistently sleeping through the night. So I'm starting with my diet and going on a what I call a detox, and what Dr Mike Moreno calls "The 17 Day Diet". You can read about it here. Basically, I am allowed to eat lean meat, veggies, two servings a fruit a day, and two servings of yogurt. I am excited, nervous, embarrassed... etc. I need to write about it to keep myself interested. I'm hoping my journey helps someone else along the way.. not all of us have gained 50lbs+ during pregnancy, but those of us who have.. we are united!

*for those of you wondering: for various medical reasons (both me and baby) I was unable to breastfeed and "stopped" at 3 weeks. I'm not sure how much of this affected my weight loss, but I still don't believe the myth that nursing sheds pounds. For anyone that has been in the same boat as me.. desperately wanting to breastfeed but it not working out, I feel your pain. For the granolas out there who will insist I could have made it work, congratulations, you must know everything. I envy you for being able to nurse your baby but I will not sit back and be bullied. Mmmkay thanks bye!