Day 17?

I kinda lost track of what day I'm on.. but I started on a Monday a little over two weeks ago, so I think that means it is Day 17. My last day on this cycle. And no, it didn't go quick.

Before I reflect, I have to share what I'm doing right now because it is pretty unbelievable to me. Today was busy at work, then I went on a huge walk shortly after getting home, and returned with Gavin just in time to get him down for bed. And now I'm sitting here eating a chicken breast tender stir fry:

2 tbsp Olive Oil
1 package of chicken breast tenders (non organic, foster farms variety; sue me, I'm lazy)
1 package of Safeway's fresh asparagus, onion, and mushroom chopped veggie mix for stir fry*
Herbs/spices of any kind

Heat oil.. add chicken and herbs/spices and cook thoroughly.. turn off heat, remove chicken, but keep remaining oil in pan. Add one tablespoon of water and veggies. Cook until desired done-ness is reached (I like my veggies still a little firm). Makes about 3 servings.

*I've noticed that a lot of grocery stories will pre-chop veggies and fruits and sell them to you for three times what they're worth in their whole forms. Safeway has stir fry medleys, roastable veggie combos, etc. Whole foods has some pretty awesome fresh salsa that I add to my scrambled eggs, and a broccoli carrot mixture that I'm guessing is meant for slaw, but it is plain (nothing but the veggies)- great to add to salads and I even add it to my eggs. I love these options because I'm lazy and left to my own devices, I would not chop a vegetable and therefore probably wouldn't eat any.

This whole scenario might not seem very unbelievable to most people, but it is to me. Tonight would have been the night I said, "eff it, I'm going to eat cereal for dinner" because of sheer exhaustion. But, I powered through and took the time to make a real meal. I'm proud of myself!

I'd like to say that eating well makes me feel better, but that's only partly true. I feel better mentally, thrilled to think that I am taking care of my body. I can tell you exactly what I've eaten all day and the majority of it is not processed at all (unless I cheat, which I do sometimes). Physically, I'm pretty exhausted trying to run mostly on lean meats, veggies, the occasional fruit and yogurt. I don't have a ton of energy, which is fine during the week, but awful on weekends when I take care of my 4 month old by myself the majority of the day. I'm truly looking forward to the next cycle where I am allowed minimal portions of whole grains and friendly carbs.

More reflection: What have I learned?

-When you eat mostly veggies, fruits, lean meats, and yogurt, your farts stop stinking after a few days
-When you cheat and eat a slice of your own homemade german chocolate cake, your farts stink again
-Cooking a lot at once and using the extra for leftovers helps you stay on track, but it gets boring
-When you tell coworkers you are not eating carbs, they notice when you cheat. ALWAYS.
-Peet's coffee is really bitter without milk
-Artificial sweetners, and even truvia, makes coffee taste horrible
-Artificial sweetners, and even truvia, makes plain greek yogurt taste a million times better
-I'm terrible at drinking enough water and was only good at it when I was pregnant and always thirsty
-Working near a Pluto's is a dieter's dream come true
-Working near amazing froyo, french bakeries, and italian coffee shops is a dieter's worst nightmare
-Being a stress eater and having a baby is a horrible combination
-Cheating is fun
-Weighing in is not

So, tomorrow I will weigh in and provide the results of my 17 Day Diet experiment. I'm pretty sure they aren't mind blowing, and mother nature is working against me because my monthly bloat is here. But I'm excited to see and report my results, along with what will probably be another huge rant about trying to lose baby weight.

Word!

Week Two

I got busy this week and also figured a daily diet journal was getting to be too much. How many times can I say I want oatmeal? I really want it.

Sadly, I was a bit of a failure this week. I cheated pretty much every day. I also ventured into the questionable area of condiments. Lite dressings, mustard, some ketchup. I even ate a hot dog and froyo (the tart kind, but still). It was also a coworkers birthday this week, and I couldn't resist making him a German Chocolate cake. Big mistake. I ate a whole slice.

Moral of the story is, I only lost another half a pound. That means a) I only burned 1750 calories this week, b) or on the upside, as Lala would say, I lost two sticks of butter, c) my metabolism is going at a glacial speed.

I've realized I really need to hit the gym if I want to see results. I'll probably have a bit more energy to do so once I'm allowed my small portions of whole grains. I can't wait to eat oatmeal. It's all easier said than done though: I don't get free time until about 8:30 and I'm usually beat by 9:30. I guess I'll just have to run to the gym in that short amount of time and hope for the best.

Wish me luck!

Day 6

I was super nervous for my first weekend on the plan.. and of course it had to be a three day weekend!

First thing I did on day 6 was weigh in. I wasn't sure if I should do it or not. Part of me knew if I didn't lose any weight, I might be bummed and inclined to feed my depression with a donut. But I could tell my clothes were fitting a tad looser and I was curious.

I am down 2.5lbs! Huzzah! Seeing the weight come off is a huge motivator to keep doing what I'm doing. They say rapid weight loss is mostly water weight, and I say, whatever. That's only true if you lose a few pounds and don't keep going. If you keep going, you lose more, and that's definitely fat.

So I'm basically done with week one and I have to say, it was the hardest first week of a diet I've ever been on. I've had comparable hunger, but never the constant urge to eat bread without being able to fulfill that urge. Not eating sugar has been easier than not having any grains. I am dying to eat oatmeal. Dying. I'm worried what that urge will turn into.. it could make me beast out later on in the day. We'll just have to see.

Days 4 & 5

Torture.

Day 4 was pretty much torture. I woke up starving.. what else is new. The egg whites just don't cut it for me. which means I've been eating two eggs a day. My cholesterol has always been normal, so I hope I'm not messing it up too much. I am really looking forward to the day I can have grains, so a bowl of oatmeal is an option in the morning. I prefer oatmeal for breakfast and have no problem eating it plain (though a little bit of brown sugar is amazing). I wouldn't even mind the greek yogurt so much if I could add some whole grain/ high fiber cereal to it.

Tangent. For reals though, I sorta cheated on Day 4. Well, I really cheated. I had a work lunch and went to dim sum. Things started out bad- my coworkers refused to let me sit there with a summer salad. I already broke the rules with it because it had shrimp. In an attempt to get me to eat something else, they ordered a lot of steamed dim sum options. Which is when I had pork and shrimp steamed dumplings :O Just one of each!! Then they bullied me into eating dessert- one little sesame rice ball (which I later learned is deep fried). OOPS. I behaved the rest of the day.

Day 5 wasn't so bad, but I cheated.. AGAIN! I'm noticing a trend. Friday at work is Philz Phriday- we all take the semi-long walk to Philz and spend a lot of money on semi-fancy hipster coffee. I like it because they add cream and sugar for you and the coffee just tastes magnificent.  I knew I'd be in trouble going there... but I couldn't resist. I ordered the Mocha Tesora- delish coffee with cocoa powder. It would be zero cal if ordered plain.. but.. I asked for light cream and sugar *blushing*. Whatever, I say. It was PHRIDAY! Before a three day weekend!! I deserved it. Then we had Pinkberry catered in so I had a 4oz plain tart with fresh strawberries and blueberries. I counted it toward my probiotic and fruit serving. HA!Of course, I behaved the rest of the day.

I don't see the harm in allowing myself these little cheats. Save for the deep fried rice sesame sugar ball, I am not overdoing it, and the fact that I felt satiated and fabulous after a coffee with just a little bit of cream and real sugar is a good thing. And it was a fun treat. Even with the cheats, I can see I'm really getting used to not eating a ton of carbs and I don't really miss them. Still, I would like to have some more fuel in the mornings and look forward to adding oatmeal in the next couple of weeks.

To anyone reading this who is suffering through the first few days: it does get better! Hang in there. Allow yourself something small as a treat- you'll probably feel better physically and once you pass the initial guilt, emotionally too. :)

Day 3

Day 3.. yesterday.. was by far, THE HARDEST DIET DAY EVAR.

I woke up starving. Shaking. I honestly had to remind myself that I wasn't really starving.. I've seen Survivor enough times to know what voluntary starving looks like. But I still felt extremely sorry for myself, cranky, crabby, and fussier than my 3 month old baby. I almost broke down several times and made myself a packet of oatmeal I have in my drawer at work. But you see, I'm too "smart" for my own good. I declared my diet to the entire office in order to have people "watching" me- you know how it happens: someone at work says they're on a diet and EVERYBODY notices when they walk by and nervously take a snickers from the candy bowl. I vowed to never be that person. So oatmeal.. it was not an option.

Yes, I realize how pathetic this sounds. I wanted oatmeal. OATMEAL! Not a cookie, a brownie, or a fun size snickers bar (which, by the way, stares at me all day at work). After my 4 egg white scramble and grapes, I spend an agonizing three hours working through the pain. Then I had some *gag* yogurt. After that, we went to lunch where I had salmon and roasted green beans and carrots. I was still starving. Still?! you say? I don't even know how it's possible. So I ate some carrots. Then some berries. And that is when I ran out of food at work. D: Until I remembered I brought my lunch! Which was chicken and steamed veggies. So I heated it before I left and ate it on the drive home.

Which was completely fortuitous. I got home and Gavin was not doing well.. fussier than me, not happy doing anything (truly, nothing made him happy). So I sat on the couch with him and fed him while I held his feet and made circles, which worked until it suddenly didn't, and our only other thought was he must be in some kind of pain we couldn't detect. So we gave him some Tylenol and he passed out in my arms for the next hour. And before I knew it, it was already 9:00, he was fast asleep in his crib, and I still hadn't eaten anything since coming home. And suddenly, I was starving again.  Too late to cook protein, no veggies that would taste good uncooked, and a growling stomach: HALP.

And that is when it happened. I broke down. I ate.. a banana. And it never tasted so good! I was full from one banana! Huzzah! If that satisfaction of finally not being hungry wasn't so heavenly, I might have felt guilty for my carb consumption. Not only did I eat the forbidden fruit, I ate it after 2pm! Right before bed, when my body supposedly wouldn't know what to do with it other than to add 10lbs to my hips. I had the fleeting thought of the phrase "fuck the police" and fell fast asleep.

Fuck the police. And Day 3. Let's hope today is a little better.

Day 2

I woke up completely exhausted on day 2. Gavin barely slept. He woke up TWICE last night- really strange for him because he usually only wakes up once, if he does. We thought he was trending toward more nights of sleeping through the night, but it looks like he is regressing. Meh.

So yeah, I woke up tired. Not all because of Gavin, I think it was because I was extremely HUNGRY. Hunger translates to sleepiness for me (among other undesirable personality traits). At this point I am cursing all the Amazon reviewers who insist they have more energy after going days without carbs. Who are you? Do you truly not feel hungry and have tons of energy after eating bland poultry and fish, and veggies all day? And here is where I become a little vulgar: do you not feel hungry and exhausted after pooping your guts out thanks to all the greens and priobiotics and water with lemon and green tea??? Truly people, who are you, and how do I become you? Yes, it is only day 2. I have 15 more days- not that I'm counting or anything. Maybe I will feel like you in a week. But for now, I am miserable.

So, I decided to look through all those Amazon reviews again, trying to find people like me. And then I met "N":

So I've been on the diet for 12 days now and have lost 3 pounds. My husband is on it as well. We're starving all the time but trying to stay strong. My husband has lost 6 pounds. I think it's a good outline, but am glad I'm well-versed in nutrition and health.

Oh N! You made my day! Thank you! I hope I lose more than 3lbs in 12 days though.. but I will try to "stay strong" just like you :)

Side note: I'm already bored of greek yogurt. Help.

Here is what Day 2 looked like:

Breaky: 2 scrambled eggs with red onion and spinach
Snack: coffee and greek yogurt with splenda
Lunch: chicken breast with steamed veggies, small amount of a berry medly on the side
Snack: more berries
Dinner: baked chicken breast with more steamed veggies
Bedtime Snack: half a thing of greek yogurt. Gag.

Day 1

Okay. So I binged on Haagen Dazs Rocky Road Ice Cream last night. I needed a last hurrah.. a final dance with sugar. We waltzed until almost the whole pint was gone. It was like saying goodbye to my best friend, my pregnancy, the friendly chubby girl inside me. 9+ months of my life, I didn't have to really worry about weight. Well, more like, for 9+ months of my life, I wasn't allowed to diet. It was a glorious 9 months. I will miss them. Thank you Haagen Dazs, for being there for me on my final night.

That said, my first day on this diet was not so rough- I'm probably still full from the ice cream last night. I now live in fear for what tomorrow brings when my sugar-fat binge wears off. Meh.

Here is what I ate:

Breaky:
2 hard boiled eggs
Grapes
Green Tea

Snack:
0% Plain Greek Yogurt

Lunch:
Pluto's salad with tons of greens and turkey breast
Small serving of balsamic vinegarette

Snack:
Gala apple

Dinner:
Huge lean turkey burger
(no time to cook veggies)

But before bed I was hungry, so I had my second plain yogurt serving- this time with splenda. Not bad!

OH- I also enjoyed a black Peet's coffee at some point in the day. It made me feel like I was eating, so I didn't feel like I was missing anything.
I also noticed that I kept reaching for junky carbs only to realize they were not allowed. It was very sad to be mid reach for a skittle, cracker, etc, and suddenly remember those things were off limits. But also interesting to note, those were just automatic movements, and not because I was hungry. Now I'm wondering how many times I day I did that without realizing it...

Fat Momma

Short Story:
I had a baby 3.5 months ago. I'm still fat.

Long Story:
In the beginning of my pregnancy, I had morning sickness. I'm not the type to throw up, so mostly I just rolled around in bed miserable, hoping the gross feeling would go away. I quickly learned that continuous eating made me feel better. And this was the beginning of the end of me.
I started out at 155, not thin for my height of 5'9", but not fat. I think I came in at the midpoint for all the BMI and related calculations. My thighs have always been pretty big, and my butt.. well, it was and always will be.. quite luxurious. I was fortunate to not carry weight in my stomach, unfortunate to have small boobies, and even more unfortunate to carry a lot of weight in my ankles. I mean cankles. But! I looked pretty dern good (I can say that now that I have the glorious thing called: perspective). Sadly, I was very much a girl and never acknowledged how fit I truly was.
At my last appointment before my water broke, I weighed in at 208lbs. Looking at the number now, it is shocking. But going to the doctor every few weeks in the beginning and finding I gained at least a lb, sometimes more, a week.. well, let's just say I trained myself to get used to it. It was too painful to see the number go up, and going into mourning after each appointment was not productive- there was nothing I could do, and cutting back on food was not an option. So I vowed to only eat healthy. This was easy, as one of my biggest cravings was for cold strawberries and watermelon- those two quickly became my dessert. Yet when I weighed in at the doc, I still gained about 2lbs a week toward the end of my pregnancy. I couldn't win, and I was tired of trying.
So, on May 6, 2012, when my water broke, let's just say I was 208lbs. 27 hours later, I lost at least 8 of those pounds when precious baby boy Gavin arrived. Two weeks later, I weighed in at 192. My mom always said: double the weight of the baby and that's what will fall off right away. She was right! But there I stayed, at lonely 192 for a month*. When I got the all clear to exercise at 6 weeks, I wore myself out going to the gym in the morning and caring for a baby around the clock. But I lost another 6lbs over the next month. I was too exhausted to keep up the gym routine, so I had to stop. And again, I was stuck at a weight that was too high for me to be happy with, despite truly eating healthy, as healthy as I used to eat when I was at my lowest weight ever.
Now I am 16 weeks post partum, and I weigh 185. That's 30lbs heavier than I was a year ago, and I have the stretchmarks to prove it. I decided  something needs to be done. I'm back at work and only see Gavin 2 hours before he goes to bed, at which point I am also exhausted. Gym/working out (anything other than walking during my lunch break) is not a viable option at this point, and will not be until Gavin is consistently sleeping through the night. So I'm starting with my diet and going on a what I call a detox, and what Dr Mike Moreno calls "The 17 Day Diet". You can read about it here. Basically, I am allowed to eat lean meat, veggies, two servings a fruit a day, and two servings of yogurt. I am excited, nervous, embarrassed... etc. I need to write about it to keep myself interested. I'm hoping my journey helps someone else along the way.. not all of us have gained 50lbs+ during pregnancy, but those of us who have.. we are united!

*for those of you wondering: for various medical reasons (both me and baby) I was unable to breastfeed and "stopped" at 3 weeks. I'm not sure how much of this affected my weight loss, but I still don't believe the myth that nursing sheds pounds. For anyone that has been in the same boat as me.. desperately wanting to breastfeed but it not working out, I feel your pain. For the granolas out there who will insist I could have made it work, congratulations, you must know everything. I envy you for being able to nurse your baby but I will not sit back and be bullied. Mmmkay thanks bye!